shealwaysreads:

captain-snark:

Dylan O’brien’s self soothing tendencies give me life

Give me all the fics with Stiles having/developing little self-soothing tics like this. 

Maybe it started after his mom got sick and he missed her when she was in the hospital, only to intensify when she died and he knew he’d never have her gentle touches ever again. 

When the supernatural shit hits the fan and he’s thrown into a world where he could be hurt or killed (or worse – his dad or loved ones could be hurt or killed) Stiles notices the pack making comments about the way he strokes his own chin, plays with his hair or touches his own mouth. He never really consciously thought about it before but he realises what he’s doing and when he sees Derek tracking the movement he feels suddenly self conscious.

He feels silly and childish needing this reassurance, and humiliated that he has to give it to himself. The rest of the pack have their girlfriends or boyfriends who give them reassurance. Scott has his mom. Stiles has his dad, but he’s not in the know, and so he’s not there in those moments when they get threatened or in the wake of fights.

So, I’m too tired for plot. But let’s get to the good stuff. 

Because Derek notices, and Derek knows what it means to have lost those easy  touches. He knows what it is to be starved of touch, to be without those essential tactile signs of care and affection. And he’s not good with his words, he let that skill dwindle, but touch? That’s what he’s known since he was born, and for Stiles’ sake he can risk the terrifying vulnerability of reaching out. Stiles has been the first to step forward for him in so many moments, he’s earned that much from Derek at least.

Derek starts with small touches, usually in moments of stress. Gripping Stiles’ shoulder when he sees his eyes getting panicky when they find the latest body in the woods. Picking him up and brushing dirt off him when he’s knocked down in a fight.

Somehow it escalates and Derek finds himself letting his hand rest on Stiles’ back to guide him into the loft, letting their knees brush against each other during rare quiet pack movie nights. 

And Stiles? Stiles leans into these touches, notices Derek’s sudden increase in physical contact. His mind runs a mile a minute trying to figure out what Derek means by it all. But in the actual moments of contact his mind is blissfully quiet, soothed, relaxed.

Maybe one night they are watching a movie. Or Derek is sitting next to him while he searches online for clues on how to kill the latest horror. But between one moment and the next Derek’s hand goes from resting on the back on Stiles’ chair (he can feel the warmth from Derek’s arm even when they aren’t touching) to playing with the curls of hair at the nape of Stiles’ neck. (Because Stiles’ hair is all grown out and lovely, okay?).

And Stiles is kind of shocked because this is next level touching now, right? He’s not over-egging this. But when he glances at Derek for a clue, Derek is still reading what’s on the screen. This touching thing has gone from intentional exploratory brushes, to unconsciously seeking out contact with Stiles. He figures Derek probably needs this as much as him, so Stiles braves resting his free hand on Derek’s knee. From the corner of his eye he can see the blush rise on Derek’s cheekbones. 

For once, Stiles just smiles to himself and is content to wait. Because he thinks if he gives it time, they might just figure out what they really mean to each other, and he thinks Derek is 100% worth the patience.